The holy relationship is the expression of the holy instant in living in this world.
The holy instant is a glimpse itself into eternity and the holy relationship then shows us what eternity looks like. We remember here that the holy relationship is one in which both have looked within and seen no lack. They choose to join with another knowing their own completion. By this example, we learn of our true nature and we experience what is real.
The holy relationship is the reversal of the unholy or special relationship. We need to remember here that we can have an unholy or holy relationship with anyone or anything. We are not talking here about spouses or potential partners. We are talking about everyone. Most times though our most special or unholy relationships are our partners or soon to be partners.
We make everything ride on these special relationships. We want our deep-seated loneliness and abandonment issues to be solved with this other person. We want all of our appreciation and acceptance needs met as well. Never will that occur. To want all that is to be kept wanting. You can only do that for yourself.
Once we give over the purpose of the relationship to that of a holy relationship, we join with the Holy Spirit in this and now results will occur. His goal is now replacing your goal. All of your special goals go out the window. Now He is in charge because you have allowed Him to be. When this happens there may seem to be a lot of disturbances and upsets. This is quite to be expected.
Rev. Paul and I saw this as well. As I have indicated in previous writings on the holy relationship for this month, we specifically gave our relationship to the Holy Spirit to make it holy and to make it home of miracles and transformation. Continually we have found that when that specialness comes up we may experience discomfort. Yet, we both know deep within that we do want the discomfort to come up. No matter how hard it is, how deep it hurts, how sad it makes us, we are determined to have healing and to know our wholeness. This is what the holy relationship teaches when we allow it to do so.
There have been times that we both had wanted to run away, but we knew that Holy Spirit is in charge. As Jesus says in the 3rd paragraph, “Many relationships have been broken off at this point, and the pursuit of the old goal re-established in another relationship. For once the unholy relationship has accepted the goal of holiness, it can never again be what it was.”
This doesn’t mean to stay in an abusive relationship, not at all. But what it does mean that there will be some uncomfortability once you have given the relationship the holy “treatment.” Are you willing to look at yourself? Are you willing to uncover all of those hooks that you have in the relationship?
Remember – This is not just partners, family members, friends, co-workers, etc.
There are hooks there that we need to release. We have expectations that lie in waiting. We might not even see that those expectations are latent, but they are there. A missed birthday or anniversary and “Voila!” there the grievance comes forth! Words were not said, or gifts were not given. A hidden resentment rears its ugly head! This happens all the time and in turn we want to blame the other person. We now made this person responsible for our happiness and peace of mind.
When these come up, have faith. You allowed the Holy Spirit to be in charge of the goal of the relationship. Let Him be in charge. You wanted sanity, you wanted healing so let it be so. The ego will want you to make something else of the relationship, to leave the relationship, to force the other person to fulfill your needs, let Holy Spirit lead.
As Jesus says, “You will find many opportunities to blame your brother for the “failure” of your relationship, for it will seem at times to have no purpose.” Yet, it may seem that way, you may wish to blame your brother but because you have given the relationship to the Holy Spirit it is saved and blessed for you.
Our answer here is Holy Spirit. I personally know the pain and misery of expecting others: to provide love for me, to supply company and connection, to make me feel honored and appreciated, and to want and desire me. That was deep within my mind for a very long time. I needed YOU to make me feel better. The truth is that I needed myself or I should say I needed my Self as God created me. I do not need that which is outside of me. I need to feel safe and secure in God’s Love and nothing else.
Is it nice to receive compliments and appreciation? Sure it is, but when we rely on receiving those strokes from outside of us, we will always feel empty when we do not receive them. It becomes a never-ending search for the “magic formula of love” outside of us. It becomes one relationship to the next. This partner ignored me so I find another to pay attention to me, then, that partner has issues, I try to change that person or look for someone else, and so on and on it goes and I end up on the merry-go-round of love, thinking I am going somewhere, when in actuality I keep going around in circles thinking it will change with the next person. It doesn’t! It never will change until I get off of the ego’s ride.
We have paid the price for admission to the ride. Now we can have something different. We can have the holy instant and a holy relationship. Our first relationship is to Holy Spirit and God. Jesus is with us to assist us as well in this process. We can turn it around. I can stand in the presence of Truth itself and ask for the miracle.
I give thanks to my brother, in this case my husband and all of those before me that I have seen as opportunities to remember Who I am and Who they are as well. I am not missing or lacking anything but the understanding that I only need my Father. I had forgotten Who I am. I thought my brothers were here to cater to my every need and to supply me with what I lacked. I found I lacked nothing. I have an abundance of love within me. I had forgotten it was there.
In all my challenges in relationships and what I thought people had done to me, I find that I did it all to myself by my own mind. I am in charge of my world and I can choose how to perceive my experiences. I may make mistakes and have opinions and judgments, but I know ultimately, it is still my mind that I can change. Each relationship is an opportunity to see truth, and I can choose to bring my brother with me to stand in the presence of truth. I do not need them there physically, but I can see my brother right there within my mind. I see them and I ask them mentally to join with me. I have decided my purpose, my holy purpose as healing and this I offer to the relationship. I know that this will bring healing of all that I had believed previously and will release us both.
This is the gift that we receive. It is an internal, eternal gift given and received. We are free now and we can be glad that it is so.
Originally posted October, 2012