Originally posted April 2012
Yesterday I was under the weather with a stomach virus. Sometimes it can be such a bother when we are ill. Then of course the ego comes in and says, “But you have SO much to do today, so much to accomplish. You will NEVER get it done!” Thanks ego for your love and care, not! It is easy to punish ourselves with Course concepts. Very easily with an illness the first “ego’s use of the Course as punishment” that appears is, “Sickness is a defense against the truth.” Some Course students will make themselves crazy in trying to figure out what are they defending against, how did this happen and how can I be sick if I am a Course student. What did I do wrong?
Face it, you are just being normal. The body is doing what the body is meant to do in this world. You cannot prevent sickness to the body from happening. You may think that there are tricks to prevent the body from dying or suffering from illness but they are only tricks and illusions. The tricks and treatments are simply an illusion that is being used to prevent another illusion, in this case, the body, from dying. Get this, the body will die. You will die, just as you may get sick. When I can face that reality of the illusory world, then it can bring me more peace. That does not say that it is wrong to do those things that you do for your health. If it helps you to alleviate fear than do it, such as, vitamins, exercise, prescription drugs, and the like. I have celiac disease and I also get migraines. I am not healed enough to think that I can still eat gluten or not take my migraine medicine and be fine. The Holy Spirit works with us on the level that we are on.
The point here is not to get caught up in the past or future but knowing that what is happening now is what is happening now and be okay with it.
So the truth of the matter is I was sick yesterday in the way of the body. Jesus does tell us that sickness is ONLY in the mind. It is my mind that is sick so it is my mind that needs healing. If I am sick, can I simply sit with that is what is occurring right now. Why start questioning “how I go this virus” or “who to blame”? Why not simply accept that I feel miserable and I simply need to rest.
I did this. Yet, I know that there are many times in the past I argued against what was. Can I love myself with a virus? Can I love my self as is?
If I am trying too hard to rid myself of all these symptoms of whatever the perceived illness is, what does it get me?
Underneath it all I am afraid to sit with the truth of Who I am. Can I see and experience that fact? That I am afraid of the truth?
We go about our lives so afraid. As Jesus says in Lesson 121-Forgiveness is the key to happiness:
The unforgiving mind is torn with doubt, confused about itself and all it sees; afraid and angry, weak and blustering, afraid to go ahead, afraid to stay, afraid to waken or to go to sleep, afraid of every sound, yet more afraid of stillness; terrified of darkness, yet more terrified at the approach of light. What can the unforgiving mind perceive but its damnation? What can it behold except the proof that all its sins are real?
Can you relate with this fear that Jesus speaks about here in Lesson 121?
The unforgiving mind is the fearful mind. Jesus asks us throughout the Course if we could be willing to see with a new perception, that of ourselves and others, the world, our experiences, all of it.
Through forgiveness, that simple act of handing over to the Holy Spirit that which is full of fear, can help us to regain our wholeness and our sanity.
With the next time we are sick can we really be okay with, as Byron Katie would say, “Loving What Is”?
Can we do what is needed to soothe and make peace within ourselves with what is. Can I love that? Can I be with it? Can I sit with that seeming reality in the moment? Can I just be?
All inquiries to make of oneself…mmm…I wonder….be a wonderer.
I spend a lot of time in contemplation when I am down with an illness. As yesterday, most of the time I was in bed, asleep off and on. Yes, my schedule was interrupted; my agenda was dashed to the wind, yet, I found comfort in the silence with Holy Spirit. I loved what was. I find myself more and more able to sit with the truth and it brings me a sense of centeredness and focus. I find I can stay focused on me, what I have to do for my healing and this helps me to stay in my own backyard and not worry about what others are doing or not doing.
So now ask yourself, “Can you sit with the truth?” and “Can you love what is?”