Lesson 186 - Salvation of the world depends on me.

"We can laugh or weep, and greet the day with welcome or tears. Our very being seems to change as we experience a thousand shifts in mood, and our emotions raise us high indeed, or dash us to the ground in hopelessness."

   These few sentences stood out to me today as I experienced just as it describes. Upon awaking, I felt happy having had some amusing, happy dreams. As Paul and I got up and entered into the living room for the Lesson reading and our meditation, I felt peaceful yet still a little drowsy. No message was instantly received by either of us, and at times that does occur. At times just beginning the day provides for insights to enter into the mind. Such is the case today.

   As the day began after our quiet time, a sense of sadness came over me. Was it that Paul was returning to work after 5 days off? Or was it the PMS? The mind searched for what the key point was. As I sat on the bed as Paul readied for work, the house was still quiet as my daughters were still sleeping, Paul could see that I was not quite myself. Depressed, it seemed he said. What a difference from the way I had woke up. You would think some time with the Course and a good meditation would have carried through the next half hour, but no, it didn't. But that's me then judging what's good or bad.

   As I started to share with him, I got it touch with huge feelings of self-doubt, like I had lost the magic formula. Tears began to well up. Perhaps even a sense was there of not feeling important or as appreciated or acknowledged as I would like. Interesting feelings, indeed. After he left for work, I readied myself for my appointment with a ministerial student. Taking the time to shower with the Holy Spirit and renew and cleanse myself. Well, the darnest thing, the same topic arose again as she talked about how sometimes she wakes up in the morning with negative feelings, not truly wanting to feel that way, and feeling disappointed that it keeps happening from time to time.

   So we shared together the reminders, the choices that we can make. The focus upon appreciation for self and our significant others in our lives versus the "blame game" that seems so second nature. My student commented, "I think we don't share the appreciations because it is not something that needs changed. It is what we want changed that we share." And rather negatively, we added. So after our meeting this brought me to reading today's Lesson again. Reading it like I had not read it before, even though I know I had many, many times over the years. But, that's the Course for you, always a new meaning coming to light.

   And so, yes, there may be times that I do not feel up to par, feel the greatest Miracles Teacher or Student, feel the greatest person in the world even, but it doesn't mean that my greatness has disappeared. It is simply that I have forgotten. This can happen to anyone here in the world because if I am here in the world then somehow I am still believing in the ego and thus I am not in the true complete experience of Heaven. And the ego likes instability. So as I tune in again to the Voice for God, I can see that all the feelings are really nothing of course, and this understanding comes with my true willingness to receive it. And as I receive it, I do as this Lesson says, "Let it go." Forgive it and forgive it again if I have to. That is my function. That is why I am here. The peace that comes from letting go feels full and freeing. No tension, no sense of burdening, no limits. I am free. I am certain, sure and confident in the One. If I listen, really take the time to listen, I will hear the comforting song of Heaven always reminding me of the Light of Truth, the Love of God. And so salvation depends on me to remember that I have all I need within me to help me remember and I am grateful that it is so.

         © MiraclesOne Foundation 2005-2006

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